we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
