i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
