i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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