"it" just moved
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
