did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
