I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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