I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
