life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
