my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
