you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize