It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
