All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
