You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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