you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
