i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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