You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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