3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
