in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
