Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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