Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
