She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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