You work out of a Hotel?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
