1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
