M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
