Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
