My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
