Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
