I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
