they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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