stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
