Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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