oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
