they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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