i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize