Cold hands, warm shart.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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