Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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