is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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