Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
