Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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