he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
