We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize