At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
