he told me I talked like a deaf person
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
