I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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