I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
