3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
