god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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