Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
