so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize