peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
