I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
