dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
