honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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