We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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