Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
