when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
