somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
