I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
