Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
