It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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