I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
