The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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