I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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