sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Found the puke drawer
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
