i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
