please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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