Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
