Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
