JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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