we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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