I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
