i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
