if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
