he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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