dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
