Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he thought i was a dude.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
